I came across this fascinating article the other day about how we are our own biggest problems when it comes to sex. You can read the original article here: http://mic.com/articles/109212/our-biggest-problem-with-sex-just-might-be-ourselves-according-to-google.
I found this article so interesting because its such a simple concept. Just by talking to our friends and to our partners we could not only get a better sense of what other people like, but also a better sense of ourselves. How straightforward! It seems so elementary that it doesn’t even need to be mentioned. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I don’t talk about sex that much. Not with my friends, not with my partners. It’s a taboo subject in our culture to actually talk about sex. Sure, we’re bombarded with sexual images and we are made to feel that we must walk this thin line between being sexy and having “too much” sex. We’re made to think that we should be such a sexual dynamo, but where are we supposed to have learned all this? Most people (who don’t live in an episode of Sex and the City) don’t talk about anything that makes sex real and Cosmo isn’t really all that much help in the real bedroom. I’m not talking about rose petals and candles. I’m talking about fear of climaxing before your partner. I’m talking about feeling so self-conscious that we talk ourselves (and our partner) out of having sex. Is it strange that he wants to watch porn while we have sex? Does anyone actually find porn interesting or realistic? Is it weird that I bleed every time I have sex? Does anyone else get bored after 20 minutes? These are all issues that my friends and I raised after reading this article and beginning these discussions. I don’t think a single one of those issues is all that weird or strange. But because we seclude ourselves and don’t discuss them, we feel weird and like we’re the only one who possibly has to deal with these things.
So I challenge you: start talking about this stuff! Obviously don’t start these conversations at dinner with your boss and coworkers or at your Aunt Mildred’s funeral (no matter how saucy of a lady she was). Know your audience, of course. But a Girls’ Wine Night or text message with your best guy pal. Whenever and wherever you feel comfortable and secure, start the conversation! I bet you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how normal you are!